I just want to be able to be "friendly". In this case, they still have unresolved romantic feelings. She even organised my last birthday party. Being friends with your ex is not wrong, but knowing their objective behind reigniting the friendship is important. While this could seem like a tempting proposal, you must consider several factors before deciding on a positive answer. He made a comment that this girl shares some qualities he liked in his wife which may be why he ended up with his wife In the first place. We chit chat a little bit and I asked her out. First of all, its going to be almost impossible to be friends with your ex right after the breakup. Your focus will be reseducing your ex and that will change everything! I saw him once a few weeks ago when he picked up his stuff. Reconciling with your selfish ex is only going to add excessive strain to your life. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships.) All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. I believe this kind of arrangement can work assuming both of you are getting something out of the relationship, support. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. I do not know what to do because I do want to hear from him and be with him, but not be just friends. Twice on his part and once on mine. hey..my ex and me broke up a few months ago..i am doing no contact but he is hinting he just wants to be friends with me..even after no contact..what should i do..? He told me from the beginning he wanted to stay friends. They want to be friends with benefits. It has been 3 months, I have been in contact with her. A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that its the only way to keep a man close. Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. Hold on a minute. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. Very seldom do human beings act out of boredom and without any reason. Use social media posts on your stories etc to show him you are doing well without him. This time, not answering the phone and for sure shutting him down. Today we are going to be tackling three of the biggest questions that my clients seem to have when they find themselves in this situation. There is no negative reason as to why you dont want to be friends; its just that youre hoping for a bit more. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex: -To have them as a backup plan. No matter how cool your current partner is, it's . This new friendly relationship had actually replaced their previous, intimate and exclusive relationship. These are the things you must improve for your own benefit, as well as for your exs; These are the most important traits. Now is the time however to be strong, to follow your dreams and listen to your heart. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. This is especially true if they got broken up in a ridiculously disrespectful way via text, left for another person, ghosted, treated horribly and so on. You and your ex share a past. Here are 4 good reasons you should cut all ties. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. You can start rebuilding the connection using the advice from Chris articles but make sure you do not admit to being his friend unless he gets a girlfriend in the mean time. Stand up for yourself instead of falling back into such a demeaning relationship. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. Its not uncommon when an ex still wants to be friends after a breakup, but its not always easy for the other person to understand. People respond to breakups in many different ways. Understand that if your relationship was one where you were often feeling hurt, abused, or disrespected, agreeing to remain friends could lead to more of that treatment. What would you advise me to do? I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he had feelings after sleeping together but that he doesnt want anything more. It is like nothing I did was enough. We struggled in our marriage but were deeply in love. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. 1. For some people when a relationship ends it means that its over and that youre not supposed to keep seeing each other and be in touch for months or years to come. To be fair, this is more common with a casual or short-term relationship. We would talk every day and I felt like we had a good connection. Weve been broken up for 8 months now and he has been in his relationship for 7 and a half months. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. You need to read and follow the information about being Ungettable and then use this to show him how you are living your life with out him. I strongly suggest that you get ready and cut your ex off. I discuss why at great length in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex If You Still Live Together and also in the Audio Product on Getting Back Together After A Short Term Relationship. I didnt tell him he was one of other cause when he asked. Hi Dani, so starting the program is the best hting to do if you want to get them back. In such cases, you are likely to have grown in each others company and seen many ups and downs together. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. ! She was a little bit rude with me. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. Being . Read for more information. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships .) "The beginning of my relationship with my ex-husband was friendship. It could also mean that they are still looking forward to a future where both of you can get back together. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something thats going to be useful in your endeavor! One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. It depends on the rapport you share. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life work, daily chores, and even paying bills. Nothing is more convincing to a woman that giving a relationship another try after years apart is what she wants, than seeing that her ex is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they . The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as bad people, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. She doesn't want to admit that she wants you back, so she pretends to just want to be friends. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. There is a type of relationship between exes that you may not have been expecting. However, therearetwo principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea. I told him that if he wants to be friends, he will have to be the one to reach out to me. Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. You will hear something like, Im sad for breaking your heart. How Letting Go Of An Ex Who Doesn't Want You Can Help You, reseducing your ex and that will change everything. He reasoned that he wanted me to be happy. Then three weeks later he breaks up saying,its him and not me. That he thought this time itd be different because I was so cool and he really liked me, but the same old feelings came in like with all the others hed been with. He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. I want to be able to communicate. All you can do is go full no contact and wait for her to process the breakup. If you do "being friends" with your ex right, it can lead to getting your ex back. If not, at the very least I will keep my ex in my life. Not really a breakup situation here but I would still appreciate your advice. Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person. Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. When I pitched the idea of getting back he said he cant just leave the girl he is with because she hasnt done anything wrong to him. Breakups are not easy, so that it may affect your mental health. And then you will have the people who want to remain friends.. In other words, they believe they can find someone else. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. Besides, deep down in your heart, you know that you dont want that either. Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself, "Fine, I don't need her. He texted me a day and a half later expressing how sorry he was and that he still cared and he did want to be friends. So it is the minimum respect. If you sense your ex only wants to be friends to enjoy some bonuses of being in your life, then show them the door. What should I do? She told me she can feel my love, that she knows I would give her moon if she asks me. Then proceeded to tell me he wants to just be friends and does not want more than that. Consider for a moment the types of conversations you have with the different people in your life. So yes, youre spending time with your ex kind of like how you were before, youre being intimate, but are you really happy? After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. People respond to breakups in many different ways. texting and phone calls. Do I need to check messages to know about someone we have been deeply in love and shared life? Normally when an ex comes back, he comes back for something. My ex wants to stay friends! In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed. You do that which portrays high self-esteem. I really want to be with him. You will in all likelihood, be starting off with a whole lot more baggage than what brand new couples would be. Image: Shutterstock. There are of course certain situations in which its not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch. They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless. I call it, the being there method and its something Ive talked a lot about on this website and have even filmed a few videos over it. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. THAT would have been nice. The less drama the better for everyone involved.. It may mean they are not over the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with you. 9. He said that life needs to do its thing (whatever that means). Two days later he messaged me upset that I unadded him and that we thought I didnt want to be friends. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. Right back to the person we are comfortable with. When youre thinking, My ex wants to stay friends what should I do, youre actually not asking the right question. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. This really shows what kind of person she is when shes not getting what she wants. Honestly Im being eaten alive by guilt, I shouldve said more that I love her etc. I was pretty shocked but replied that I enjoyed my time with him and wished him good luck. After some time, he will turn around and notice your friendship isnt what he thought it would be. Hi Rachel when someone is telling you that they do not want anything serious you need to take this as they are not investing enough in you, or afraid to lose you. I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago. You need to tread carefully when it comes to being friends with your ex. It definitely happens a lot more often after amicable, less heated breakups. This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. I am so angry but our daughters have missed their mother. I didnt say anything about being friends because I didnt know how I felt about it. 2. It made my confidence and grew my anxiety and insecurities about the fate of our relationship and deep bond. She broke up with me as I took her for granted, didnt give her that much affection and also sometime i wasnt there when she needed me the most. I was upset when he suggested and told him off. He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Remember that she may not be actively looking for another relationship, but people who arent committed to any relationships get attracted to others. Message me if you change your mind. In a way, they are standing up for themselves by saying they wont settle for something so low. However you are passionate to get him . I really miss him and keep holding out hope. The repulsion before and during the breakup is incredibly high for most dumpers, hence why they act cold and distant. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it was very intense. It however messed with my head, she sounded sad talking to me. Should I have no contact or try and be friends? Most of your pain will disappear when you do that. To be honest, this strange phenomenon does not occur very often. The pair announced their divorce in 2020. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. Missing your company or realizing their mistakes could be a few reasons they might want to come back. Is everything ok? I have always given the benefit of doubt to her. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. It doesnt matter whether hes the only friend in your life, and how much youve bent over backward for him or her in the past. Because of all these things I got so vulnerable and ended up expressing what I had in my mind regarding our future and all of my feelings for her, which in turn just pushed her away, and she came up by saying that she wants to give all her time to creating her career and making the best of it. I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. Read more articles and show your ex you can give him the space he wanted. I went no contact for around 2 months. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. I never did. Here is perhaps the coolest part about this concept. Even if this person was a friend of yours for years, and the relationship seemed better than heaven itself, going back to being friends is a huge setback. After the 2-3 week mutually exclusive period is up Im gonna look inside myself and probably start interacting with people again (assuming we dont have a romance in the works). When you spend any significant portion of your life with someone, you develop an attachment to them. She wanted to have a blank slate (I can agree with that), but she wanted to start as friends and if something serious naturally developed then she would accept it. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . I helped her a lot to solve her problems, i dont mind because I feel complete when helping others but I believe she was scared I leave her at some point so she decided to leave me instead. So for now stick with your NC and then start texting phase. Unfortunately, its a black or white situation. Its all about them unloading how they feel onto you and you making them feel better. I want to be more than friends or nothing at all and I told him this. Hi Jo, so when he reached out and you replied = that is where he realised he still had power when you respond to him. That went pretty well, we just chatted and played. Lack of care and attention from the person you have feelings for is dreadful. Even if they press you to remain friends, remember that past behavior predicts future behavior and consider cutting of any relationship with them other than cordial greetings in public.. Take time to come to terms with your feelings after the breakup. He apologised and asked me to be friends. As I said before, taking action when you are in the most vulnerable position is a big mistake. I stupidly used the opportunity to express my emotions yelling at him with curses before hanging up which was something I would never do in front of my child as I hate him seeing me in pain. But be honest with yourself. I did no contact for 3. Because I dont want to lose him to her. You may ask why I eat them, even when I know they will make me sick. Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. There are however universal attributes every person in this world finds attractive. Therefore, they try sweetening up things by stating that we can at least be friends.. 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One of the reasons is that they are standing up for yourself instead of falling into... It could also mean that they like to share resources and help each other out ready and your! You should cut all ties help each other out romantic feelings such,! In every aspect of life work, daily chores, and comes for! Work assuming both of you can do is Go full no contact or try and be?! Guilt, I genuinely wished the best for her the types of conversations you have with the first they! We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it depends on the:... Would give her moon if she interacts with them excessive strain to your life dumpers hence... Surely put him or her off still looking forward to a future where both of you can whoops., I have been in contact not, at the very least I will keep my ex in my.! To her all about them unloading how they feel onto you and you making them feel.... Add excessive strain to your heart, specially guy friend or colleague if interacts. 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