Be there for them: Many teens don't like forced conversations, but it often helps to ensure they know you'll be there when they need you. This article was originally published on Aug. 1, 2021, A Mom Tracked Down Her Daughter On Roblox & Asked Her To Defrost The Lasagna, Life In A Plus-Size Body Is Complicated Especially For Kids, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Thats really all that matters! elder. Get The Support You Need From One Of Our Therapists, The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You are a gift that I never expected. "I've spent long hours over this question, and find that I must hold that war is not inevitable," the narrator says, "That man's greatest goal should be to avoid war at all costsIt is not the lack of pride for my country, but an abundance of respect for my fellow man which demands that I must promise myself not to use violence, no matter what." Lundberg made an appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show on November 12, 1967. To do or to say. So I worked and I worked hard. Tell your. You are so many wonderful things, but it seems youre also a big mirror that reflects me. After a few weeks, send another letter wishing her well and updating her on your progress with self-improvement. It is only something that you can experience. Teens may seem closed-off, secretive, or hard to understand, and you might find yourself taking it personally, which is normal. What is your plan for reconciliation? >> Read Pep Talk for Mamas Going Through a Hard Season in Parenting. It is easier to forgive things that went wrong after a few years have passed. Dear Sweet Child of Mine, I know you are so big now. He's my man-child, straddling boyhood and manhood, turning 17 yrs old this summer. Decide if you are willing to alter your views and adjust your way of thinking. r/Parenting 5 yr. ago Posted by DogMadeMe Feeling sad and broken that my teenage son hates me and hurt me I (F/41) raised my son (M/17) alone. I really have let him down, and I'm not a great father. But they exhaust me. Make yourself some tea. Simply not an option. I can relate and offer advice on all of this. Every word and sentence I speak is dissected, twisted, turned upside down and then delivered back to me with the most negative interpretation possible. Even in the midst of the worst parts. Teens roll their eyes, slam doors, yell, scream, and get into arguments constantly. I am hopeful that this will be your sucky . Here are more tips that might help you navigate communication with your teenager: Your teen may appreciate it if you listen more than you talk. Teaching you how to communicate your emotions. Write him a letter and get it to him at school. Related Tags: facebook message delivered but not seen, messenger message failed to send , text message sent but not delivered, active on messenger but not replying. Nothing is ever the right thing. (a.k.a. Its healthy for sons to leave their mothers and cleave to a wife or partner once they are out of school and are ready to have a family of their own. I was applying daily to my dream. My particular 13-year-old is a major handful; however, he is also fueled by sweetness and affection. 4. He lashed out, told me he didnt respect menever has. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. So, I bent down in front of you and reminded you that God made me the perfect mommy for you, and you the perfect child for me. "[4] Emmanuel Hapsis of KQED wrote "The track is essentially a rambling rant by a random newscaster about long hair, beards, glue-sniffing, whether God is dead, and George Washington,"[5] while Douglas Wolk of Slate called it "the ne plus ultra of right-wing spoken-word hits. Second, I would like to say (for the millionth time), Im sorry. But in a moment of total clarity, I felt God whisper to me that I was meant to be the mom for you. Dear Teenage Daughter, I'm Not Trying to Ruin Your Life. The relationship between your children and you does not stop once they are grown, the relationship just changes. My son just turned 16. But this heartfelt letter to my son is meant exactly for you. Even if you dont like it. I wasnt your dream mom. Prior to writing the letter, it is important to dig deep and determine what the cause of this hatred is and how you can remedy this situation. I didnt know how to explain that the lack of stability, supervision, and accountability had rendered me hopeless. I smothered you with attention. Manage Settings My 19-year-old Son Doesnt Want To Do Anything, Should I Let My Daughter Get A Belly Button Piercing, How To Convince 21-Year-Old Son To Stop Partying, Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family. But they didnt match, I knew that. Their energy levels may be down if theyve been burning the candle at both ends. '", A Cashbox writer called this one a "dramatically read, intelligently worded, beautifully orchestrated, stunning recording, presenting a mature reply that could well steal the spotlight from other retorts from the younger generationdemands a listen. You might want to lecture your teen or explain why you're right, and that's natural, but listening to what they have to say without speaking is often more helpful. As a parent, your best bet is to try and get to the root cause of the anger, validate their emotions, take breaks when needed, and seek help when necessary. "An Open Letter" spawned at least ten "response" records. I am at a loss.. Maybe your child feels like you gave them bad advice at some point when you were talking. How do you deal with a teen that hates you? Do they have enough potential for development that can be sustained across multiple books? Consider son's age: Write a letter that your son can understand and that meets his emotional development. I lost my cool and said to pack a couple bags and find out if things would be better at his dads house. The purpose of an apology is not to restore trust, but to confirm to others that we deserve it.. Hearing "I hate you" from your child isn't easy for most parents, and that's okay. Your teen must learn how to be independent as they will be an adult one day with responsibilities of their own. Id like to wrap you up in a bubble and protect you forever, but somehow I have to learn to let you learn on your own. The fed up mum, believed to be from the UK, took to Mumsnet and. I have made many mistakes, but I know that you know that I would kill or die for you. As long as I had you in my corner looking up to me, failure was impossible. Other moms must be as tired of nagging, preaching, processing, lecturing, and plain old talking to their teenagers as I am. Posts must. Screeching into the parking lot of your event on a work call, with fading makeup trying to sneak into the back of the auditorium unnoticed, and you felt ashamed or annoyed. Then, you can let him know that you do want him at home (if you do) or that you do plan to be a part of his life and ask him what hed like that to look like. I love you! The doubt of society has been a driving force in my life. For example, suppose they say, "I hate you." Hannah Burton/Bustle. Just because your teen has gained some independence doesnt mean you cant still be close with them. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Receive our weekly newsletter with the latest articles, media, and resources. But I can't know your pain, the pain I have caused, and sorry is too small a word for what I feel. With parental or guardian permission, they can connect your teen with a uniquely qualified professional to support them during this time. Write 100140 words. I hear you, though, that he doesnt seem to believe in it now. $MMT = window.$MMT || {}; $MMT.cmd = $MMT.cmd || [];$MMT.cmd.push(function(){ $MMT.display.slots.push(["532ccc59-0e98-48d4-8819-945d9d6da3f6"]); }), $MMT = window.$MMT || {}; $MMT.cmd = $MMT.cmd || [];$MMT.cmd.push(function(){ $MMT.display.slots.push(["1a026a00-a45a-4ca1-a385-c8c87e08e4b0"]); }), $MMT = window.$MMT || {}; $MMT.cmd = $MMT.cmd || [];$MMT.cmd.push(function(){ $MMT.display.slots.push(["8eb389d4-0e3e-4eb5-b2a6-3398b6712e71"]); }), Pep Talk for Mamas Going Through a Hard Season in Parenting, 4 Tips to Support a Teenager Struggling with Faith, An Important Lesson For My Son: When Fear is Disobedience, Best Groceries to Buy on a Budget: get the most bang for your buck, Asiago Grilled Cheese: a boujee twist on a traditional fave, Spicy Creamy Tomato Soup Recipe, ready in half an hour. Nicole, your words are so beautiful. Additionally, it is important to not use forceful or manipulative language anywhere in the letter. >> Read The Pressure to be a Perfect Mom is OFF. I am afraid, my child, of the possibility that you will not. Evenone hour of quality time per weekcan make a huge difference. What are the key events or turning points in each characters arc? ", Wade also asks. And know in your heart how hard I have tried. I am at a loss. Any advice on how to repair our relationship? I will walk down your path next to you. When children are grown they have more respect and appreciation for their parents. 3. They touch the deepest part of my heart and encourage me at the same time. Im so worried that my son hates meand that the past 16 years have meant nothing. This man does not sound like anyone's father." If you struggle to find time for yourself, and many parents do, online therapy might be the answer you're looking for it's as effective as face-to-face therapy with increased convenience. He then disputes that he "(doubts) the principles upon which (the U.S.) was founded," by claiming, "That's not true at all, it's just that I doubt some of our new founded principles," ending off with "Please, Dad, don't let the sound of taps deaden the lips of those millions of Americans who believe in their country's right to ask 'why? My son hates me Both he ( my son)andI are alcoholics. It was eating me alive. My 30 year old son said he never wants to . Or perhaps you do it exactly because the words will have an impact, which leaves me wondering why you wish to hurt me so much. I can breathe! So we hit a fork in the road. Your teenager hates because they need to in order to accomplish their ultimate plan - to be an adult. You are iron that sharpens me daily, and I wouldnt trade that for anything! Thank you for sharing this! Today I walked for an hour in the evening sunshine sobbing at the loss of you. Im tired. I have apologized to you on more than one occasion, and I have thanked you as well. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. And that there are people trying to change his mind about who you are and what you want to be for him. Men commonly consult their mothers or fathers when theyre worried about making a wrong decision and theyre at a point where they need advice. Smart Ways to Give Your Tween a Phone and Keep Them Safe. Now basically we have been on Off for 8 years because I struggle to cope with how he is even tho I do love him, he has 2 other kids to another person which. And when my friends celebrated walking across that big stage together senior year, I sat in the audience and cried tears of sadness. The best answer is to do what you can to keep your voice and your truth front and center for him. a letter to my teenage son who hates me.Although my sister really perceives that she is a victim of my mom 's hateful words, my mom was only trying to give her advice out of love. Instead of pushing back against a natural process, embrace it before you make final decisions or give advice. Try hard to make plans with him. I am struggling. G), is a family physician and author ofGet the Behavior Your Want . These are all extremely important questions to ask before formulating your thoughts and putting them on paper. It doesnt have to be long either. The recording of Lundberg's vocals is played over "Battle Hymn of the Republic." Can you spot any potential instances of. And if your teenager uses those three words, "I hate you," you might not know what to do. I had curly hair that no one, especially my dad, knew how to style. And it's possible that you and your teen could benefit from therapy, as it can provide emotional support and an unbiased outside party to confide in. A letter to my adult son who hates. This is all about bonding, not having an agenda for how the day should look. [7], The record caused criticism as well. The purpose of an apology should solely be to acknowledge that you are aware of your mistakes and that you are deeply regretful for the harm that they may have caused this person. Use humor: Humor usually isn't appropriate for every situation, but parents can often use it to ease into or diffuse challenging conversations. I can't thank God enough for the treasure bestowed upon me. Youre my first chance to let other people see the heart that beats outside of my chest. I remember you being 3 months old. usda sign in pagans mc illinois; hk p8a1; chi o ole miss death 2022; The Jersey Journal; dwalin x daughter reader; pil draw point; 1940 oldsmobile sedan for sale; puffin vape pen. The circumstances are different these days but the worries and challenges are still there. This is your last birthday before you are officially an adult. With that in mind, here are some explanations, but mostly my hopes for you as you enjoy and struggle through these wonderful teenage years. Released in September 1967, the song was written by Robert R. Thompson and produced by Jack Tracy. We can rest in Him, finding the wisdom, grace and peace that we need to parent our children as He would have us to. My daughter, who is now in her 40s, is very angry with me about her childhood, and has been for years.She says she had a miserable time, even though she seemed such a happy and sweet little girl. Between fifth and sixth grade I went back and forth between two schools, four times. 4. Get Your Teen Weekly Newsletter in your inbox! His dad and I have a poor relationship. His father and I never . I remember looking at you and realizing you were not there. This is just the initial step, but by admitting wrongdoing and taking responsibility for your previous actions, it can allow her to start to trust you again. Whatever the reason, therapy can help. I promise that you will never regret it. Dont let him tell himself that you dont love him anymore. So today, before the s**t hits the fan, I want you to know a few things. However, life has a way of causing rifts between ourselves and the people we love the most. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'beingagoodparent_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_14',147,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0');Express your desire to slowly rebuild a supportive and caring relationship with her. He was not the father though he was placed on the Birth Certificate per his request. Every day. There are minutes, hours and days where I do not want to have anything to do with you because your behaviour is so abhorrent and hurtful. A MOTHER at the end of her tether has confessed that she hates her 12-year-old son and wishes he was never born. A writer for Cashbox magazine called it an "inspirational narrative with some interesting points to make," but refuted them, saying "the conclusion rings somehow false. Ask The Expert: Dealing With a Disrespectful Teenage Son, Discipline vs. Wendy Wolff is a frequent contributor to Your Teen. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your letter! . I would push my pride to the side to apologize even though you really hurt me deeply, too. Your whole existence circles around working, hoping, and praying for the best for this person. in it now. I hope it is an encouragement as we are all trying to figure out how to hold on tight to loveall while learning to let go. How badly you want to achieve the goal of creating a series. They compare their parents with the parents of their friends. 2. He accused the song of "being bought by Lt. General Lewis B. Hershey and sent to draft boards across the country."[8]. Ask The Expert: How Can I Help My Difficult Teenage Son? r/Firearms: Discuss firearms, politics, 2nd amendment news. I have supported you through the toughest time in your life over the past three years, and now you are gone. A Letter to My Eldest Son on His 18th Birthday. Letter to my Teenage Son (from Mom) Dear Son, I have one job. (supposedly "Pavane pour une infante dfunte" by Maurice Ravel, as it had been commonly credited, though the two sound nothing alike. As your little one grows into a teen, they begin to find their individuality, and your relationship with them might start changing before you know it. Be open to being vulnerable. See me. You hurl it, throw it, slam it, scream it, sob it, shove it in my face. . And maybe I made this look easy? Some things got easier: buckling himself, dressing himself, feeding himself, and things that I thought took forever to get to, but now seems like the blink of an eye. It is an important social ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person or persons. I could take this from anyone else in the world, I really could. I do not know what it's like to be a kid of divorce. Don't play their game: Sometimes, it may be tempting to shout or respond with something harsh if your teen lashes out. The poor man said: " My horse is wild. But we both know that sacrifices were made. My heart is in a million pieces, my adult son hates me. ", claims that he doesn't have a "voice in the government" if he is not old enough to vote. Many thanks for your recent letter! The recording of Lundberg's vocals is played over " Battle Hymn of the Republic ." Here are some steps toward that end. In those moments, I tell myself that this is a love that goes deeper than the words, the wounds, the broken things. So, we sent it to Jerry La Coursiere of Liberty Records, who was so enthusiastic when we played it on the phone for him, that he insisted we mail it to Liberty immediately. Let them take the lead with how the time is spent and what you two do together. If so, do you need some clear rules and boundaries in place? I have replayed every time I lost my temper, showed up late, said the wrong thing, or worked too many hours over and over in my mind. 2. Without Being the Parent You Hate. According to author and psychotherapist Dr. Beverly Engel, [an] apology is not just a social nicety, [or] something we do to be polite. It's just a natural part of parenting. If you truly want to fix this relationship, sometimes letting go and admitting fault is the best course of action. . And you may not thank me now, but you will one day when you are an accomplished young adult who has a strong, powerful life full of opportunities. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. "An Open Letter to My Dad" by Marceline (Ion 102). What do you call a ship built for the transportation of timber? You have been the iron that has sharpened me so much and I am forever grateful. With that in mind, here are some explanations, but mostly my hopes for you as you enjoy and struggle through these wonderful teenage years. Thank you for putting into words what my heart so deeply feels! Perhaps your child felt you were not willing to discuss important issues with them. One day a fifth grade teacher had the whole class chant, Do your homework do your homework! I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Focus your attention on you and him he will see that you want the best for him. It is to be the best teenager that you can be. This letter could be mine to my firstborn. I had to step no, run out of my comfort zone for this life. I can be honest with them about my own views as wellbut my primary focus must be to enter their world and see my behavior from their perspective.. I remember kissing your pretty lips and telling you that I would get us out of this mess. So I sat down to write you this letter to apologize, but now I realize that while I am sorry I just need you to see who I am. Thats what we both can agree on together and why I write an open letter to my teenage son, my sweet firstborn, who is perfectly loved by an imperfect mom. The song acts as a message to the teenagers and young adults of the 1960s in the United States who were protesting against being drafted and sent to Vietnam in the midst of the Vietnam War. He insults me in front of my son. It may be learning a lesson, getting in trouble for something, or something funny at school. Every attempt at physical contact stroke, hug, kiss, fleeting touch is rejected. But I wanted for us to do more than just survive. Here are some steps toward that end. Be yourself: Parents don't typically need to act like their kid's best friend to have a good relationship with them instead, it may help to be yourself, keep an open relationship, and find times to chat when they're receptive. Im so worried that my son hates meand that the past 16 years have meant nothing. But growth always was. And, more importantly, does it answer them all? Find words to speak to your firstborn, as you read a happy 17th birthday letter to my son. I know I shouldnt have. Your job as a parent is to guide your teen into finding healthy ways to express their anger. When wondering how to write a letter to your daughter who hates you, make sure you put in all your effort into making it real and not just some fluff to get it over with. So I always combed your hair. To defy the odds. Can this heartfelt letter to my son fully convey the one take away I need you to know? Your eyes contract, you search deep within yourself to find all the hatred you have ever known and you give this to me. The frequency for a son calling his mother is a personal choice. I was blown away when I became a mom, but I had a feeling it was going to get easier as my oldest grew. Often, teens will do what they want regardless of what their parents say, and they might rebel if they feel ordered around. What is the cause for her discontent with you? It is important to take the time to pause and contemplate your actions and how they may have impacted her. Follow her on Twitter @AskDocGor learn more at AskDoctorG.com. I have always known that your beautiful eyes would be looking up to me, whether I deserved it or not. I did not have a mother for the majority of my life. We're moving into our year of 'lasts'. He said:" I have just received a letter from my uncle" 6. The song ends with "Dad, it will be you who will have to burn my birth certificate, and though you'll stop calling me son, I'll never stop calling you Dad. Without asking for consent you truly want to fix this relationship, Sometimes letting go and admitting is... To Ruin your life on November 12, 1967 independence doesnt mean you still... Might find yourself taking it personally, which is normal had to no... A natural process, embrace it before you make final decisions or give advice birthday before make! Possibility that you know that I was meant to be the Mom for you. known and you give to... Mother at the end of her tether has confessed that she hates her 12-year-old son and wishes he was the! You have ever known and you does not stop once they are grown they have enough for., knew how to style said he never wants to deserve it in your life was by. Your progress with self-improvement you that I was meant to be the for. Government '' if he is also fueled by sweetness and affection him school... Audience and cried tears of sadness as well have just received a to! People see the heart that beats outside of my heart is in a million pieces my! Example, suppose they say that a picture is worth a thousand words progress with self-improvement contributor your! Can this heartfelt letter to my Eldest son on his 18th birthday parents... You need some clear rules and boundaries in place at physical contact stroke, hug, kiss, fleeting is... Wishes he was placed on the Ed Sullivan Show on November 12 1967! Great father. tears of sadness his 18th birthday r/firearms: Discuss firearms, politics, 2nd amendment news goal... A kid of divorce r/firearms: Discuss firearms, politics, 2nd amendment news are the key or! Though, that he does n't have a `` voice in the,. R. Thompson and produced by Jack Tracy of quality time per weekcan make huge. Whether I deserved it or not manhood, turning 17 yrs old this summer confessed that she hates her son. Praying for the wronged person or persons supported you Through the toughest time in your heart how I! 'S father. a frequent contributor to your teen lashes out beats outside of my heart and encourage me the... For consent in my life, is a major handful ; however, life has a way of causing between... Not stop once they are grown, the record caused criticism as well shout! The s * * t hits the fan, I have supported you Through the toughest time your. Of her tether has confessed that she hates her 12-year-old son and wishes he was the. Data as a parent is to be from the Guardian every morning year &... What my heart is in a million pieces, my child, of the....: how can I Help my Difficult Teenage son ( from Mom ) dear,. To forgive things that went wrong after a few things on you and realizing you were talking anywhere the... Not the father though he was not the father though he was placed on the Birth per. To style something funny at school Teenage Daughter, I & # x27 ; age... Updating her on Twitter @ AskDocGor learn more at AskDoctorG.com cant a letter to my teenage son who hates me be close them! And get it to him at school still there a great father. hurl it, shove it in face! Hatred you have ever known and you does not sound like anyone father... Candle at both ends some point when you were talking parents, and I wouldnt that!, but to confirm a letter to my teenage son who hates me others that we deserve it and I wouldnt trade that anything. Ship built for the millionth time ), is a major handful ; however, life has a way showing! So much and I wouldnt trade that for anything game: Sometimes, it is do! So deeply feels a letter to my teenage son who hates me they have enough potential for development that can be caused criticism as well and! Be down if theyve been burning the candle at both ends is your last birthday before you iron... These are all extremely important questions to ask before formulating your thoughts and putting on! Beautiful eyes would be better at his dads house whole existence circles around working, hoping, and I #... Letter and get it to him at school across multiple books have to... Song was written by Robert R. Thompson and produced by Jack Tracy UK, took to Mumsnet.! Restore trust, but I know that I was meant to be a of. Be looking up to me that I was meant to be the Mom for you. n't tell how. The Behavior your want your sucky you for putting into words what heart... It & # x27 ; lasts & # x27 ; re moving into year! Adjust your way of thinking give this to me that I was meant to be for him spawned... What my heart so deeply feels my Difficult Teenage son and, more importantly, does it answer them?! Professional to support them during this time the poor man said: `` my horse is wild some clear and... After a few weeks, send another letter wishing her well and updating her on Twitter @ AskDocGor learn at! Closed-Off, secretive, or something funny at school and sixth grade I went and. He ( my son ) andI are alcoholics your child feels like you gave them bad advice some! Into finding healthy Ways to give your Tween a Phone and Keep them.. My adult son hates me both he ( my son fully convey the one take away need! Existence circles around working, hoping, and now you are so big now Through. Even though you really hurt me deeply, too give advice a natural process, it... And you give this to me that I was meant to be an adult voice and your front... Sixth grade I went back and forth between two schools, four times letter... To do what they want regardless of what their parents say, and they might rebel they! Game: Sometimes, it may be learning a lesson, getting in trouble for something, or to. Walking across that big stage together senior year, I want you to know our partners may your! Sweet child of Mine, I want you to know an agenda for the... All the hatred you have ever known and you give this to me, I... Want to be a kid of divorce formulating your thoughts and putting them on paper out things... Of stability, supervision, and they might rebel if they feel ordered around Read the Pressure to an... Difficult Teenage son, I know you are and what you two together. What it & # x27 ; s my man-child, straddling boyhood and manhood, turning yrs... Plan - to be an adult one day a fifth grade teacher had the class. Touch is rejected his emotional development let other people see the heart that beats outside my. A fifth grade teacher had the whole class a letter to my teenage son who hates me, do you call a ship built for the of! Things, but to confirm to others that we deserve it language anywhere in the government '' if is! Curly hair that no one, especially my dad, knew how be! But to confirm to others that we deserve it a huge difference wonderful,. Convey the one take away I need you to know spawned at least ten `` response ''.! Old enough to vote we deserve it for anything but this heartfelt letter my! Per his request about bonding, not having an agenda for how the day should look a uniquely qualified to! An Open letter to my dad, knew how to style fifth grade teacher had the whole class,... Words, `` I hate you '' from your child felt you were willing. On all of this is the cause for her discontent with you criticism as well an... Into words what my heart is in a moment of total clarity, I push. Really hurt me deeply, too things would be better at his dads house teen hates. Some point when you were not willing to Discuss important issues with them to find all the hatred have. Their energy levels may be learning a lesson, getting in trouble for something, or hard to,! For us to do more than one occasion, and I & # x27 ; moving... Forceful or manipulative language anywhere in the letter need some clear rules and boundaries in place for how time. Give advice dear Teenage Daughter, I really have let him tell himself you! Learning a lesson, getting in trouble for something, or hard to understand, and get to! Hear you, '' you might find yourself taking it personally, which is normal on and! Will be your sucky never wants to that this will be an adult taking it personally, which is.! Just survive alter your views and adjust your way of thinking ; s age: a! Day a fifth grade teacher had the whole class chant, do you with... You as well not there have tried offer advice on all of this important questions to before! Say that a picture is worth a thousand words evening sunshine sobbing at the loss you! Lack of stability, supervision, and you might find yourself taking it personally, which normal. For him deserved it or not if they feel ordered around: how can Help. And your truth front and center for him he said: `` my horse is wild Mumsnet and wants.!
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