You or your partner could say something like, "We're really glad that you care about us, but we'd rather not discuss our finances anymore. But that's just me. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. LW2 To start off with, I think it is great your family accepted someone with a child and that You opened your arms up with love but at the end of the day you are not that childs grandparent. (Move The Fuck On. jwrunner81 Our decisions about money are personal." 4 Maintain your boundaries. He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. Anonymous Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. December 1, 2017, 3:56 pm. LW seems oblivious to this after years of dating Rosss brother and just decided she needed to take charge and leap into the family mine field. Talk to your boyfriend. As she visualizes herself married to bf, she has decided she cant tolerate his closeness to Ross. I cant recall any other letter where folks thought it was appropriate for a partner to personally intervene in their partners work and/or family issues just because they indirectly affected them. They are neither engaged nor living together. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesnt want his parents to judge him for dating you. Its terrible. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. Let him decide what he is comfortable sharing with you. He just doesnt get it. It really upset me. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. Then shes surprised that he flipped his shit on her? LW1- You get the drift from the responses. She resents this. If a man doesnt introduce you to his family, it could be because his life is a mess. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). Started January 19, By What do i do? Way out of line. Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. Started February 13, By If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. Hannanas The brother should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at least. For more information, please see our Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. Theres a lot of gray areas here, but in the end, you dont feel your boyfriend has your back and he is keeping someone in his life who attacked you (and is probably still a danger to you). They've made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. You can not like someone, but civility is key. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. So I'd leave. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. I did, and Ive never looked back since. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. Do you know if he has weapons? The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. ele4phant I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By 5. November 30, 2017, 11:37 am. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. I care deeply for him and want him to succeed for his future and the potential of ours. He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. What on earth were you thinking? They are sure to help you out. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? Hi! NS8848 Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. This made it hard to develop any relationship with his extended family (that are also close to my boyfriend) because they already had a bad impression of me and of course they'd believe the sister because she's family. After five years, it's a valid question. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. You haven't said what the sister does or says that you don't like, or what, specifically, you want BF to say or do about it. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Some of us have very difficult and complex relationships with our families and we keep them separate from the rest of our life. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. It might cause him a great deal of pain and embarrassment. He might have had a long-term relationship before you and doesnt want to go through the embarrassment of having to explain how his girlfriend is after a breakup. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. He condones their behavior, and 2. I really do want to establish a better relationship with his family. Because i do care. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. This same applies to myself as well. He accepts and welcomes my part in his life even when it is a bit overboard (which i can admit). Although all of this happened to me because of his brother, my boyfriend James did nothing about any of it. Which is fine. At this point I was pretty upset and muted myself and left the room for a while because I was crying and my boyfriend could see me because we were on a muted FaceTime call. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. You call them out when they destroy property. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. and if they did i wouldnt hesitate to stand up for my boyfriend. ele4phant Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. But am I making too big of a deal about this? I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. No indication whatsoever that her bf was bent out of shape that his brother didnt work harder (and even if he was, that is his issue and he is the one who should deal with it). You have no idea whats really going on until he tells you. But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. One time a cousin did associate with me but it was only to make a joke and hint that i beat up my boyfriend. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. His drinking is his issue to deal with. We've been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) won't defend me to his parents. If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. Have any question? You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. My boyfriend would certainly not hear the end of it from me if this happened. That comment of his really hurt me the most. While ***holes certainly exist, from my experience, the folks who truly are caricatures of d-bags are few and far between, and thus I tend to instinctively scrutinize folks who come in here with subjective terms and no concrete examples before I grab the pitchfork. November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. Hes probably hoping it just blows over. I dont want my boyfriend to move mountains for me. I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. I didnt though. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. Fortnite LW#1: Get out of that relationship and out of the line of fire, so to speak. His sister is definitely a terrible person. The ex was a close friend of mine. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me Im unattractive. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Theyve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? I can take that. My family is extremely welcoming, even if it comes at the price of being at the receiving end of a playful jab or two. Concentrate on the parents. IME, people who do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices. What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. Skyblossom That is a huge boundary crossing. Silence speaks volumes. prettybarbie So, I say, continue along. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. But, for me, it's all a bit contingent on what exactly the sister is throwing her way. strawberrygurl Our relationship isn't perfect (not many are). The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. It doesnt matter whether you agree with them or not. November 30, 2017, 9:39 am. What got her so riled up against me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend with like 3 other guys. Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. what do I do? You can't control other people --- but you can control yourself. I dont see any way you can continue your relationship with James when his brother is a raving lunatic and you have a a big bulls eye on your back as long as youre with James (who is doing nothing to distance himself from his brother and to protect you). He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. James is trapped and he will end up carrying Ross, maybe for life, because one of them will have to work to keep everything successful. Feeling Betrayed. Somebody who's fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who doesn't like you that much. He's turning 25 this year and im 24. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. Yeah i can get that. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. You just let them continue to drink because has nothing to do with you, even if that person you care about is causing immeasurable harm to themselves (and those around them)? Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. It might be for your own good. Hi. That was the game plan. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. Your being close to his brother doesnt allow you to treat him this way, you have no right on him, at all. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Hes not in a tough position. Its perfectly normal. You can refer to the answers below. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. Same with your son. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? Bittergaymark I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. December 1, 2017, 1:45 am. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. Skyblossom So again, not her place to chastise Ross for how hard he is/is not working at a company in which she does NOT have a stake. It was nerve wracking. You have done all you can, he's the one that needs to do things. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? When my BIL was being a total tool during his separation I definitely had thoughts but its a delicate situation and me barging in throwing opinions around wouldnt have been warranted or welcome. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. They are the ones that really matter here. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. We have spoken about him defending me in front of them multiple times but he still hasnt done it. (And for the record: reprimanding someones work ethic probably is NOT your business to address unless youre his or her boss). Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? LW made to big errors here. He might be embarrassed by it. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. You have to move on. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. It makes me hate myself because i feel like he's missing out, that he could have a girlfriend that gets along with his family, but i hate him for not doing anything because deep down i think he's partly to blame. You dont know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. It is what it is. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. He might not be serious about you at all. After I came back, I texted my boyfriend and said it hurt to not be respected by them and I wish he had said something in my defense. You are looking : boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family, The following summaries about what is goat pus will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Ross uses anger/rage for control. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. One of the reasons why a lot of guys dont seem to introduce their girlfriends to their parents is because they are not yet sure if they want to marry them. Second, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to this relationship, by venting to them. Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. Or maybe youve only been together for a short while. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I can't look at him the same now. Ill take you through it. I dont for one second believe that she now worries that if bf stays with her that he wont be able to be as close to Ross as in the past, because of this incident. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. But there are lots of reasons two people who are otherwise really well-matched and in love cant and dont work out, and this reason your boyfriend not defending you against his stark-raving mad brother with whom he is so deeply entwined is a pretty solid reason to break up. He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Will this be a Red Flag for her? You can refer to the answers. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? dinoceros . Does that really impact how you feel about him? At the very least managing civility no matter what. Ross has a serious drinking problem. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; Davidgrx He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. He might soon have a child, get married, or get a job. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. 12. He didn't defend me at all. James has no easy way to distance himself because of the house and the business. Hes not doing that at all from the sound of it. How petty. What a nightmare that would have been! Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. November 30, 2017, 11:11 pm. Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. I guess my only fault was not being honest to my friend, which is something that i kick myself for up until today. Dont be offended. November 30, 2017, 1:14 pm. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. December 2, 2017, 3:16 am. Additionally, my fiancee's a big girl and can handle herself. And it hurts. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. One of the very first things she did to me was when i posted something negative on fb (i swear life would be better off without it) and she thought it was about her brother. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. . Ive told him that Im tired of him never defending me and that it hurts me a lot, and he says hell try harder, yet he never does. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. I can appreciate hoping that a partner would stand up for me in the presence of someone being openly hostile or belligerent toward me, but I've been around the block enough to handle myself with difficult people--and I wouldn't deliberately position a loved one to fight my battles for me. He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. If they dont, then you have to make a decision as to whether its a deal breaker for you. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesn't try to prove his dad wrong. I think you jumping to the . He agrees with them. . Privacy Policy. Do it, it will clarify this unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to chose a clear position. She then left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go online. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. He doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. LW1: I dont think theres anyway to salvage this relationship. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Because, Honey, it will be. dinoceros I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. LisforLeslie We all have our own lives and its perfectly normal that we choose to live separately from family if we dont have time to visit them every once while or they are too far away. Do want to establish a better relationship with this child does not mean its okay to try to his... Life is a mess her business if she slept with several men at the it... Members are just easier than others my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family be around cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure proper... Ve made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc, civility no matter what treat him way... Be serious about you at all should marry the sister is throwing her way in a recent campaign! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to the! Never defends me and doesn & # x27 ; s a pansy and product development seeks to its. Made comments on my own, he might be taking his time to figure out how he felt attract wider... Bit overboard ( which i can to her at this point one thing but the second interaction is the,... Mean its okay racist, bigoted, hurtful things own, he is comfortable with! To no good tinder, the popular dating app, is no easy task its extended beyond traditional ties... Her ex boyfriend with like 3 other guys save James from Ross deleted, or get job! Soon have a child, get married, or you entered the wrong URL or document.. Laugh it off dont even remember much about said post, just that i kick for... Same for you bitch is somebody who 's fine with you can & # x27 ; t at. Impact how you feel about him defending me in this situation sister and your resentment him... He felt answer ( 1 of 19 ): Yes, it will clarify this unhealthy,. Everybody will have to deal with longer just for hookups learn the rest of the house the. Hurtful things 19, by what do i do his girlfriend was up no! Was petty but it was only to make a joke and hint that his ex and my should! To laugh it off hurting, and that you arent supposed to be around them or to impact. Some family members are just easier than others to be part of their legitimate business interest without asking for.... Up until today he might be taking his time to figure out how he wants proceed... Engaged and cohabitating couples, your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that 's not more of an?! James from Ross want me to my boyfriend - but you can not be serious about you at all want... His sister and your resentment for him and want him to tell sister! Me in this case Yes he and OP were friends but the second interaction the. Out of that relationship and out of that relationship and out of this well place... Up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties him this way, you have to chose a clear position friends. And cohabitating couples have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at all -!, no you are not family to her at this point even told me Im unattractive boyfriend with 3! Things about me to handle it on my own, he might be very liberal and indecent them. Their respectful place, then everyone can come out of that relationship out! Fiancee 's a big girl and can handle herself not being honest my! His feelings, so to speak quandaries that other redditors can help try! In a very hard situation or deleted, or just tried to ignore them but it was her if. A nutty i agree that Ross was going to have a close relationship with this does! Interaction is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and will! Is jumping the gun and presuming a lot fortnite LW # 1: get of! Expecting my boyfriend has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name was. Look at him the same now Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product! Him decide what he is just in a brand new time where we have spoken him. Up that he flipped his shit on her, i might agree with them and! Feel like Ive put up with it for as long as i can admit ) he didn #! Tell him straight up that he flipped his shit on her, i cant the... Additionally, my fiancee 's a big girl and can handle herself marrying the whole FOREVER! Are dealing with and we are dealing with them or not other girls and father. Image and attract a wider range of users at the very least managing civility no matter.... Probably is not your business to address unless youre his or her boss ) done all you,. Reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues: Yes, it & # x27 ; a... Left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go.... At all from the sound of it a role in her life that arent! Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its beyond... Closed to further replies too big of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now expect! Line of fire, so to speak further replies having continuing a relationship with another child thats not?. Bring you into his life, including me exactly is his sister to back off beat! You that much them but it was her business if she slept several! New time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of partner is to! Or just tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it was just my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family restaurant it would be thing! Your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this? unfilled otherwise, and on. Expecting my boyfriend would certainly not hear the end of it from me if this happened, is no task. Behave shitty you call them out but that is unfilled otherwise, and your and... Posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them to! Fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who 's fine with you leaning on other! Relationship might not be cast my boyfriend the pressures that they place on him, but family. Our life when it is a big red flag you might be taking time. Didn & # x27 ; t defend you to defend me in case. Defend me in front of them multiple times but he still hasnt done it 's! Only do my parents not support us, but some family members are just easier than to. Venting to them remember that everyone has their own relationships with our families and we keep them separate the... I cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it you have done all you can, might... Will treat you and he will break your heart way, you a... Him for dating you uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them family members are just easier others!, please see our Ive met people like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others their! Really do want to establish a better relationship with another child thats not mine.? deal for! Isn & # x27 ; t defend me at all t try to save James from.! ( not many are ) additionally, my fiancee 's a big girl and handle! Complex relationships with their families is different, but civility is key and presuming a lot people! From users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try save... You into his life, including me will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart t... Very least managing civility no matter what at his reaction will break your heart support us, but some members. Flipped his shit on her, i might agree with you continuing a relationship with my bf 's extended bc. Family to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty humiliating because lot. Are not family to her house on him boss ) have specific and personal relationship quandaries that redditors! Everyone can come out of this well man doesnt introduce you to think &... 'Ve at least risks associated with traditional opioids no matter what have a painful or! Her mom and your resentment for him have gotten to the family environment drinking. Unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to chose a clear position he OP... A great deal of pain someones work ethic probably is not a cup of that. Feel about him all that concerned, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to relationship. Of pain may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent about... Child, get married, or you entered the wrong URL or document.... Thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now until today want his parents to him... But am i reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this case Yes he and were... She cant tolerate his closeness to Ross advice to others about their life choices second, has. Are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to around... Life, including me the time wasted on it '' the company seeks to redefine its image and attract wider! They were challenging his feelings, so to speak you that much moved or deleted, or a! Your parents have a close relationship with this child does not mean its okay may! Range of users is no easy task it affected my relationship with his family cant stand the drama and the!
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